In the past two months I have been seriously lax on exercise. I didn’t think much of it – yeah, I put on four pounds, but I felt fine and if my resting heart rate was up in the low 70s instead of the upper 50s it was no big deal because my blood pressure was still normal.
Then came PC last week, with the five minute shimmy warm-up that I had to bail out on, and two rounds of half-remembered Dancing Drums that left me way more winded than I ever dreamed possible.
Okay, maybe taking two months off dance wasn’t such a good idea. But hey, I had just given blood that day, so that explained part of it. Right? Right. So there ya go.
Then I got my cholesterol numbers that had me up 63 points since November, from “just barely normal” to “WTF are you thinking??” Can I blame it on a bad test? I can try – the repeat draw that I’m requesting on Friday when I go to the doctor will answer that. So still, no big deal, deny responsibility and the need to change, and keep doing what you’re doing. Everything’s fine, nothing to see here, move along.
But then there was dance class last night – a full-on “learning a new choreo” dance class. If I needed any concrete evidence of how poor my cardiovascular endurance has become, last night did it. No excuses or rationalizations can explain me not being able to get through a 60-minute dance class and needing to sit down before I passed out.
I can try to blow off “it’s only four pounds” as though the number on the scale were the only thing that mattered, but that’s a lie. Health is more than a number on the scale, and I should know better.
So starting tonight I have a recurring appointment with my treadmill. This could be the re-start of a beautiful friendship.
I got a pleasant surprise when I got on the scale this morning and “176.0” blinked up at me. Three pounds till I hit what I have nominally identified as my “goal”, and then work to stay there. I’m not sure exactly what all has kicked into gear to help get me here, but whatever it is, I hope it sticks around.
I have been going to Yin Yoga the past several classes, and it has helped me start to feel more focused and rebalanced. This is definitely a good thing, and hopefully something that will only get stronger with time. I need to feel as though I am coming back into myself again, to figure out who this new person is and what she is capable of. It’s more than just the weight. There is an entire sense of “wholeness” that I want to find. Contentment with myself in my own skin and in my own life.
I’m beginning to understand why people go through a mid-life crisis. I’m 42, and it’s hitting me that I’m basically halfway through my working career… providing the idea of “retiring in your 60s” even exists by the time I get there. My dissatisfaction with the way things are is tangible at times – the idea of going “one more week” like this is sometimes unthinkable, let alone another 20, 30, or 40 years.
I’m working on ways to make my life different – I’m pursuing my degree in Health and Wellness and looking at various Coaching programs once I have the degree – but sometimes I don’t even know what I want to do with the rest of my life so I wonder if I’m making the wrong choice or going down the wrong path. But I don’t want to let that fear paralyze me – I need to just keep going, because “going” is better than “staying still”.
Our local Fox news station has nicknamed today and tomorrow “Mayvember” – we had 80 degrees yesterday, and I don’t think it got out of the 40s today. We are expecting a low in the upper 30s tonight, and I just hope that tomorrow afternoon they aren’t lying when they say it’s supposed to be in the 50s. I have tickets to the baseball game tomorrow night, and I really don’t want to freeze my babushka off.
It could have been worse – I could have gotten tickets to tonight’s game, instead. Brrrr… On the plus side, it is “Bring your dog to the ballpark” tonight (seriously), so a bunch of folks out in the left field seats have furry body warmers sitting with them!
On Monday I went to the Yin Yoga class again, and it went easier both physically and emotionally. Then again, I’m in a little bit better place emotionally, so that helped. I thought I’d be ambitious and go to Slow Burn Yoga last night to see how I liked it. Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be doing that again any time soon. I’m not quite up to that level yet.
Four weeks until the Diva Dash in Fort Worth. It will be interesting to see how preparing for it goes – I have three weeks of insanity coming up at work, including a week of “Train the Trainer” classes from May 13-18 for a new system that we are implementing at work, followed by a trip to Houston on the 22nd to teach what I’ve learned, a class in my office in Dallas on the 23rd, Diva Dash on the 25th, teaching in Columbus on the 29th, then teaching in Chicago on the 30th.
It’s a good thing I already have the 31st off of work because I am taking my dogs and running away to Austin for the weekend. If I survive May, I will so deserve it.
Hopefully the weather will be better by then…
On Monday I had a little bit of a sore throat, which I wistfully chalked up to “dry air”. Not so. By Tuesday I was in the throes of a full-blown cold, with the sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, (no fever), cold. The whole nine yards. It seems to have moved through pretty quickly – by Thursday morning I felt like I’d been hit by a bus, but after sleeping all day it seemed to have gotten past the worst of it. I actually contemplated going to Yoga Thursday night, but fortunately sanity prevailed and I ended up staying home.
This morning when I got on the scale it said 178.6. I haven’t been below 179 in a couple of years, so even though I realize it’s the side effect of being sick, it’s still nice to see. It’s also a little kick-start to hopefully motivate me back to Yoga on Monday, as long as they’re still having the class – the instructor said something about going on vacation, hopefully they will have found a substitute.
This weekend there are two festivals at which I am dancing, so that’s another reason that I am glad this cold seems to have moved through quickly. We’ll see how well I can breathe at the end of dancing three choreographies in a relatively short period of time. It will also be interesting to see if between the weight loss from being sick and the spa wrap that I had done today, whether I need to do some last-second pinning for my costume!
I have been kind of out of balance lately – the sort of “out of balance” that comes from finding something new and exciting and getting so focused on the possibilities it that it’s hard to think about anything else. And while the possibilities are still there, it’s time to take a step back and re-balance the rest of my life, integrating the “new and exciting” part into the rest of my everyday life.
This week’s reading for my schoolwork (I am pursuing a degree in Health and Wellness) included a chapter on yoga, which is the topic of my final paper. After doing the reading, it occurred to me that I had been “going to go” to the yoga class at the gym for like three months. So what better time to get some real-world experience for my paper, and bring some balance to my life in the process? I’m a little nervous – it’s something new for me, and I’m not sure what to expect – but going and getting the experience will be better for me than sitting on the couch wondering “should I have gone?”
No matter when I go, there will always be an “I’ve never done this before” class. Why not get it over with sooner, rather than later?
I knew it had been a while since I had posted anything here, but I had not realized it was over a month. So as I wave apologetically to my pawful of followers (wow, I have followers, how cool is that?), I resolve to be more consistent in updating my little corner of cyberspace. Since my train of fitness thought has completely derailed in recent weeks, maybe a little pseudo-accountability to my followers (seriously… I have followers!) will help me get back on track.
Life recently has been much more focused on work and social stuff than on health and wellness. But since long-term success requires the integration of ALL aspects of my life, I can expand the idea of “fitness” to include finding am overall work-life-health balance instead of just things like “did I go to the gym today?” (no, I didn’t, just in case you were wondering).
I missed the Firefly Run in March because, to be brutally honest, it was too smurfing cold for my taste. I’m not yet die hard enough to embrace “5K at all costs”. Finding FUN, remember? I’m registered for another 5K this Saturday, but probably will not participate. I am dancing at festivals the next two weekends, and with as lax as I have been in exercising, I am afraid I would hurt something at this point.
So the next event is the Diva Dash in May, which was the one I originally had set for my goal event, anyway. Funny how that works out.
I realize this is stupid and ridiculous, but that’s just the kind of day that I’m having. Stupid and ridiculous. A perfect combination for a total comfort-food calorie fest.
Except Kit Kats and chocolate chip cookies don’t taste good anymore. In fact, I ended up throwing away 3/4 of the snack-size bag of cookies. This “healthier eating” thing has my body rebelling against over-processed, empty-calorie junk food.
Great. Now what am I supposed to do?
Any other day I’d probably take it as a victory and as progress and as all sorts of sunshine and rainbow things because it really IS a good thing.
Except I’m still having a stupid and ridiculous day, and now I have to actually deal with it instead of distracting myself with junk food.
I mean, it’s good, but it sucks.