First world problems

I realize this is stupid and ridiculous, but that’s just the kind of day that I’m having. Stupid and ridiculous. A perfect combination for a total comfort-food calorie fest.

Except Kit Kats and chocolate chip cookies don’t taste good anymore. In fact, I ended up throwing away 3/4 of the snack-size bag of cookies. This “healthier eating” thing has my body rebelling against over-processed, empty-calorie junk food.

Great. Now what am I supposed to do?

Any other day I’d probably take it as a victory and as progress and as all sorts of sunshine and rainbow things because it really IS a good thing.

Except I’m still having a stupid and ridiculous day, and now I have to actually deal with it instead of distracting myself with junk food.

This sucks.

I mean, it’s good, but it sucks.

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Part tortoise, part coyote

If the tortoise’s motto is “slow and steady wins the race”, then I am becoming part tortoise. I have been slack in the exercise department, which will make the Firefly 5K interesting in a couple of weeks. But I have been very good in my eating habits, and have almost broken into the 170s. My target weight range is 170-174, so that’s a significant milestone for me.

Dance is picking up significantly, with practices nearly every day this week to prepare for upcoming shows and festivals. And while I am already happier with how my costumes are fitting, I think I’ll be able to hit my goal by the start of festival season. Call me silly, but I find the idea exciting!

If I expand my definition of “fitness” to include “emotional fitness” (which is also important, IMHO), then that is improving, as well. Aside from an emotional breakdown last week that was triggered by several of my friends losing loved ones, that is. But the fact that it didn’t send me into a week-long tailspin – which it would have done this time last year – is significant.

Progress, slow and steady. Thanks, tortoise.

Owning the results

For the past couple of weeks, I have gotten on the scale and found a way to rationalize the lower number that I was seeing. “It’s water weight.” “I’m dehydrated.” “It’s hormonal.”

This morning I got on the scale, looked at the number and tried to come up with all the reasons why the number wasn’t accurate…then asked myself, “What the hell are you doing? You’ve been eating better for several weeks, you’ve been staying in your calorie range, you’ve been exercising a bit… Why are you so afraid of success that you’re not willing to acknowledge what you’re doing is making a difference?”

I hate my brain sometimes.

So with the new month comes new ownership of the results, bad AND good. If I can accept the blame when my weight goes up, I damn well better be able to accept the credit when it goes down!

I have 10 pounds to go before I reach the goal I have set for myself. A couple of years ago I got within 1 pound of my goal (but never actually reached it), decided that was close enough, hung out in that weight range or a few months, then the weight crept back up. Now I’m wondering if that’s tied to some fear of success? Or is it my general tendency to leave half-finished projects lying around and never getting back to them?

Or maybe those two things are related. Hmm.

I think an experiment is in order…